Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
