you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
