i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
