well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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