it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
