i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize