I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
