that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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