Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
