my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
