It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
