Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
