Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
