i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
