do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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