I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
