so that wasnt chicken after all
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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