what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
