my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
