Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
