It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
