I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
