Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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