I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
