last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
