Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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