Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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