Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
