I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize