i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
porn star boner night. come get it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
