If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
