He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
