I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
