i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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