woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think your dad took our porno
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
