Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think my vagina is haunted
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
