so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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