Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

(516): View more from New York

one can only hope.

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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(416): View more from Toronto

You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..

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(407): View more from Florida

He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

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(518): View more from New York

Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.

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(765): View more from Indiana

She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.

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