I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
