im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
