My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
