i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
