Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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