I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I party with great urgency now.
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