sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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