But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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