i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
