FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
