even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
