Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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