Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize