Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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