I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
