You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
