You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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