I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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