Don't you send me to vm
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
