He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
