it was like his penis was on wheels.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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