last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
