She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
