I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
