My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
