I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
