I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
