dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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