By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
