what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
