is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's like heaven, but drunker
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
