apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
