Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
