I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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