I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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