What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
