Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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