I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
