I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
